From War to Peace: 1 Year Clean and Sober -@SoberMovement
Can’t believe I made it, 365 days of laughter, tears, joy, challenges, making friends, fighting demons, letting go of my past, and finding the new Emily. I never thought I would go an hour without using, let alone 365 days. The last day I used, I remember being so sick that I crawled around on my bedroom floor with a flashlight looking for some of my drug that I might have dropped just to take the edge off, finally gathering enough to get a high only to have no usable veins left. I said it, time after time that I would never use drugs or drink, and I ended up worse than I ever thought was possible. I was homeless, engaging in risky behaviors to get my fix, hurting my loved ones, dying and being brought back from overdose, you name is I did it. No one ever thought I would get clean, especially me, and that last horrible day spent high I sat there alone thinking, “i can’t do this anymore, I’m so exhausted”. The next day I walked into detox and I’ve been clean ever since.
I’ve spent 15 years using. I started when I was 12 so it’s all I ever knew. The first few months clean were hard because I was facing everything I ever stuffed down and never had the skills to cope. Life has been challenging but the biggest thing I’ve learned is that emotions, no matter how heavy, no matter how hard, isn’t fatal, but drugs are. I can work through the pain and come out stronger. Crawling out of that darkness and was the greatest thing I ever did for myself and for my loved ones. The struggles, the pain, the withdrawal, all of it is worth it, because nothing will ever be as hard as living in active addiction. Today I have a diploma in social services and am currently in university working on a degree in community studies, honoring in psychology. I get to take all of those painful experiences and use them to help others and I am forever grateful for the beautiful life I’ve built for myself. I have so much to be grateful for today but most of all, I’m grateful for my recovery and I’m grateful for that darkness because I wouldn’t be the strong, resilient, empathetic and compassionate person I am today.
Recovery is possible, for everyone, and no matter how hard it is to get there, it is worth it, I promise.