Sobriety – With All I Got…
I grew up in a wonderful home. Both of my parents were loving and nurturing; my mother was the librarian at my elementary school and my father was the local beat cop for our area. I was too young to remember fully but mom drank, drank so much that dad had to put his foot down, “quit or we’re gone”. So that was it, she quit cold turkey. Like many children, I was molested from 3-5 and didn’t say a single word about it till trauma hit our family. I was 14 when my dad had an affair and left mom, Mike and myself. My mother’s recovery crumbled and unfortunately I developed an eating disorder. At 14, vomiting my food was much easier than scoring drugs – so that was my escape. And that escape lasted 16 years. Once mom fell, I nose dived with her. Alcohol was my key component in life. 2010 I was introduced to heroin, meth and cocaine. Along with that song and dance came men – abusive, controlling, manipulating thieves. I fell in love with one of those gang members, got married to him and 6 weeks later landed a 2 year prison sentence. It was the greatest blessing. I finally had time to re-evaluate my life. Unfortunately in prison recovery is very difficult to find. I stayed dry until 9 days after my release, I was back getting high with a fellow parolee who unfortunately helped spread Hep C to my body. At this point, I’m desperate to stay fucked up because of the reality I created. Well, that one violated his parole – so he’s gone, and I’m on the street alone. I quickly set my dignity aside and worked as an escort. It provided hotel rooms, dope and of course whiskey. I started falling apart in 2015 and decided to enter rehab. I did a 3 month stitch, got out did good for a month and relapsed. I felt so ashamed that I was almost successful at taking my life. 7 days in a coma and 2weeks in a psych ward gave me the opportunity to try it again and I enrolled again in a 4 month inpatient. February 2017 i was released, only to find myself back with a man and drunk again. This lasted till Sept 5th 2017 and I am happy to say I kicked his ass to the curb and moved in with my mama. She’s my biggest fan and my main support.
Author: Lauren H.