4 years sober
First, let me start out by saying that I am not writing this for validation. I do not want any congratulations or motivation to keep on going. I have all of that within myself. I am writing this for you to share this on your page.
I am making this post public in hopes that it may reach someone who is still suffering. Someone whose window of surrender is cracked open, even if the tiniest bit.
I am writing this to the person who feels alone.
A lot of people ask me why I am not more anonymous with my sober life. They ask why I am not embarrassed to have had a drinking problem. I used to answer with the fact that I was never a “full blown” alcoholic. That alcoholism runs in my family and I have seen the devastating consequences and never wanted my kids to grow up in an alcoholic house.
Four years later, I still say the same but I minus the “full blown” alcoholic part. Just because I did not drink in the morning, just because I didn’t drink all day or sell my stuff for a drink doesn’t mean I am not an alcoholic.
You see, this disease starts even before you pick up that drink. This disease starts in the mind. It is how you think, it is how you process life, it is how you cope with issues. The alcohol is just our vice. It takes away all the thoughts, “calms” us, convinces us we are processing normally.
Once an alcoholic stops drinking that is just the beginning. In order to remain sober, a lifetime journey is upon us.
I have been through a divorce, death, single parenthood, heartbreak, financial crises and more during my last 4 years of sobriety and I have not picked up a drink again. Why? On March 22, 2014, looking at my 2 year old daughter and infant daughter with a glass of wine in my hand, I knew it was over for me. On March 23, 2014, I knew I was going to an engagement party where a woman who was openly sober would be in attendance. I had a choice. Go to that party and talk to that woman or go to that party and drink. I chose my first option. It is because she was so open about her sobriety that I knew I had a safe person to go to. I want to be that safe person for someone else.
I am not perfect. I still have struggles. I am still human. But, I can help another person who was as desperate as I was. If you don’t reach out today or to me, remember one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, little by slowly, there is an easier way to live. There is help. You are not alone. Do not let fear or shame win. You deserve a sober life.