Confessions of an Addict

My name is Ryan, I’m 27, originally from Wilmington, Delaware and now live in South Florida. I have been using since I was 14 years old. In and out of detox and rehab since I was 20. I’m not going to get into my whole addiction, just the past year and a half. I spent my nights sleeping on a stage outback of a restaurant on the River Front in Wilmington, Delaware. Eating some days at a local soup kitchen, and putting every ounce of energy I had into finding my next one. Homeless, helpless, alone, scared, depressed, anxious and every other terrible feeling filled every bone in my body.

On 11/09, something happened to me. I was in a friends (using buddy) apartment with a bundle and half of some good Philly dope, and about $400 worth of hard. You would think what addict would not be happy with this situation. Apparently I must of had a look of disgust on my face, because whom I was with looked at me and said whats wrong with you bro? In that moment, it’s as if God himself reached down, and flicked a switch on in my mind, a switch that changed my life in that moment. I was done, I had enough, I wanted really nothing more to do with it. I told him I don’t want to do this anymore, I can’t do this, I’m done with this lifestyle, and I have no idea what to do… I can’t go to rehab because insurance wouldn’t pay for it due to me going so many times within the year, they would only cover detox. My friend said I can help you get to Florida. Looking at him confused I said how? He said call Brandon Novak. I was basically like, call Brandon Novak? How the hell am I supposed to get his number? He says I have it! So 11/10 I call Brandon, I finished the last bit of dope I had to not be sick, and made the call. I told him my situation, he gave me someone else’s number that was a personal friend of mine. I called him, armed with nothing more then a prayer, to get a scholarship to rehab, he says “Man I really don’t scholarship people anymore, because they either leave, relapse, get stuck, or die” I followed by saying, I’m going to die, or kill myself within the next few weeks bro, please help me. He asked are you done? It’s as if God again reached into my body and told me, if I followed every direction taken, every suggestion given, that he would take care of the rest. I told him yes, I was ready, and I was done. He got me a scholarship to a treatment center in Florida. I have not had a drink or drug since 11/10, making 11/11 my first day sober. God has done nothing but blessed me as I have followed the path he has been laying out for me.

I am a poet as well, and I pour my heart and soul and feelings into my writing. Much of it about addiction, love, sad, dark, etc. Many addicts can relate to my poetry, and I would love for it to reach more people. The entire series is called confessions of an addict. I would love to share it with everyone and anyone whom reads this. –

I couldn’t ask for anything better then I already have, and with that said I even know there is so much more to come if I just stay focused and put in the work. Someone told me this program is not for people who need it, not for people who want it, but for people who live it, and day by day I’m learning how to do that. Give yourself a break, and give yourself a chance! Your worth it!

Author: Ryan A. Padovani

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